Friday, June 22, 2012

A big thank you to Suzanne for the wonderful Reiki yesterday. I feel different somehow. When I looked at Jimmy's pictures this morning, I smiled... I smiled! That is so different from the norm. Suz let me know that I have to let go of all of the feelings of letting Jimmy down, of thinking that there was more I should have done- others have told me this too, but when she said it to me yesterday- it was like a cloud overhead breaking up and the sunlight coming through. Healing will not come if I can't get rid of the negative. She also said that ANYONE that knew me and saw inside our world, would KNOW that I did everything for Jimmy. That boy and I had such a connection- a rare and beautiful connection! Suz let me know that I have to heal for Jimmy as well... I am working at this. For the first time in MANY MANY months- I slept rather well... more than 2-3 hours in a row. I credit Suz and the Reiki for that as well.
Thank you Suz- I will see you again in a month- I know you will help me through this!! :)

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Well, Jimmy's father and myself have been through a few firsts now- the 1st month anniversary of our loss- the first family dinner without Jimmy- the first Mother's Day - the first Memorial Day Picnic - the first Father's Day - and today... the 2nd anniversary. It will soon be Damion's (Nephew) 6th birthday. Jimmy should be here to celebrate it- to jump on the trampoline, to play the life size angry birds game in the back yard, taking the hose to the kids to soak them down after the hot day... I can just imagine it ALL! Jimmy was always so full of life and ready to jump in and have a good time with the kids- even though he thought they could be brats now and again- he loved them so much! They miss him very much- when they think of him and say "he's in heaven right?"- they say "I'm so sad when I think about Uncle Jimmy"... all I can say is "me too baby, me too!" Jeff, Ryan and Seany have been involved and that helps- they will be joining us at the party with Damion- I am so happy for that.
 Recently Jimmy's request to be taken back to the Appalachian Trail had been honored by Jeff, Ryan and Jared- he was taken back to Katadin- it was such a great experience for these wonderful young men to pay tribute and honor their good friend. Seany will be honoring Jimmy's wishes as well by taking him to the Delaware river to the back flip point in July. These boys had such a strong bond and for them to be doing this for Jimmy shows just what they are made of. Thanks guys- you are all great. Jimmy will also have his wishes granted to be spread out- in August he will have a trip to Niagara Falls. I am trying my best to grant all of the wishes that Jimmy had. All in his honor and fondest memories. I also find myself going out of my way to go to any type of benefit and donating generously. I know Jimmy is watching with a proud smile- "that's my Mom"!
I miss him so much- He was such a huge part of me-
I went to see Patti in Connecticut and it was nice to hear some of the stuff she had to say-
I will try to make him even more proud each day. I do try NOT to think of leaving this life every day, but it does come up quite often. I know that he says that I need to stay here and be with the other kids- "they need you" he says.
Thanks to every one's continued emotional support- you all mean the world to me! You KNOW who you are!!!!! YOU KNOW!!!! <3  <3  <3