Saturday, December 14, 2013

Tree

I sure wish that Jimmy was here today to go get the Christmas tree.... :(

Cheryl,
Thank you for your kind words and healing thoughts. I just can't help myself from that kind of thinking from time to time. What helps me tremendously is knowing that I will embrace him again and that he is watching over us. So many 'events' happen that proves to me that he is present- I cherish all of them.

I hope that everyone can have a wonderful and blessed Christmas season.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Today

2 years ago today, from his hospital room, Jimmy devised a plan to get his family together for one last birthday surprise for me. I will never forget the feeling of him wanting to get out of the room (little did I know the reasoning); I was just so elated that he wanted to walk to the cafeteria. We sat down there for a little while (him on his pillow because he was so frail) and me right beside him- I had enough cushion, probably for both if us- I didn't need a pillow.
When he knew that his family was up in his rom awaiting our arrival, he said that he was ready to go back and we began our trek up to the 8th floor. when we arrived on the floor- he made me walk ahead of him because he 'didn't like people looking at him'. Well, of course I will run interference- I will kick their asses o=if they even THINK about eyeballing my boy!! We get to the room and he makes sure that I am there to open the door first..... "SUUUURRRRPRRRIIIISSSE!!!!!!!" they all scream.... "HOLY SHIT- are you guys trying to kill me?!?!" I asked. I will NEVER forget our last 'mom's' birthday together. These memories will always be cherished.

Though, I sometimes can't believe that this all ever happened- did I really have a son that passed . . . . yes, and it was just yesterday. . .  or was it so many years ago that I can't remember. The feelings that one goes through in their life when death touches it is crazy. I am so afraid that one day I will TOTALLY crack and go off of the deep end to never return. I truly fear this.
The past few days I have been contemplating the meaning of life- what are we all doing here? There has to be a higher purpose than getting up  in the morning, going to work, working all day, and then coming home to rest to do it all over again. I try to keep Jimmy alive in daily events. We talk openly about him and what he has done- and through us, what he will continue to do.

Today on my day off, I walk slowly through my empty silent house and have a very sad feeling as I look at his pictures.... I miss you so very damn much James Duane. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Monday, September 2, 2013

Presents:

  Heroes
 for
Cancer

On September 14, 2013, The American Cancer Society Relay for Life is presenting an all ages cancer benefit concert at the Chameleon Club in Lancaster, PA.  The show is a culmination of six bands:  Heroes 4 Ransom, Robbing Noll, Carving Out Fiction, Goodbye Four, Kill the Dead and TigerBomb.  They are honored to take the stage in support of a great cause.  Doors will open at 7pm and show tickets are $20 at www.chamleonclub.net or contact individual bands through facebook; raffle tickets will be available at the show for $5 a piece or 5 for $20.  Raffle prizes range in value from $100 to $250 baskets, all donated by local businesses.  All proceeds from ticket sales and raffle ticket sales will go directly to The American Cancer Society Relay for Life.  The American Cancer Society is the nationwide, community-based, voluntary health organization dedicated to eliminating cancer as a major health problem by preventing cancer, saving lives, and diminishing suffering from cancer, through research, education, advocacy, and service.
The show is in honor of Jimmy Faus, who lost his courageous battle with cancer at the young age of 27 in the spring of 2012.  An avid outdoor lover, artist and football fan, Jimmy completed a thru hike of the Appalachian Trail in 2010.  He was a very kind soul with an unending desire to help people. Even during his own illness, his thoughts were on making sure his mother got her rest and ate at mealtimes while he was in the hospital.  He was concerned that she had lost her husband to the same terrible disease only three years earlier and then faced losing her son as well.  A loving son and brother, Jimmy left behind his parents, Troy Faus and Marie Faus-Crawford, and siblings, David Faus, Krista Faus-Brown and Shelley Faus.  Marie Faus-Crawford has started the ‘Jimmy Faus Foundation’, which helps those in their time of need by hosting an annual bake sale in April. 
During his stay in the hospital, Jimmy met Hutch, lead singer from Heroes 4 Ransom, and left him forever touched to help those like Jimmy.  Hutch made a promise to Jimmy, who was unable to pursue alternative treatments for his disease due to cost, to raise money through a show to help those in need during their time of fighting to survive.  He was unable to organize the show before Jimmy’s passing, but we hope that in his mother’s words, “I want him to smile down upon us and KNOW that through family and friends his helping hands are not yet still”.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Thank you Cheryl-
The first week was terrible. I KNEW that I did the right thing, but I missed him very much. He was always a Momma's boy- always! When we were outside, he HAD to sit on my lap... when we watched TV, he was either on the chair at my side or lying under my legs on the floor. Going to bed the first few nights really sucked. He would be either on my pillow or in the bend of the back of my legs (side sleeper). When we awoke in the morning- he would sit up, shake, and come to me for lovins.
Today Cody sneezed and when I said "bless you".. it reminded me of Pedro- he and I had a game that we played ... he would sneeze and I would say bless you... he would do this usually 5-6 times in a row... most of them were fake... I loved it. So, that made me smile this morning.
I know that they are up there in Heaven just having a blast together.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Pedro

Today marks a week that we had to put Pedro to sleep. The journey started about 6 months ago. We noticed that he began to have loose stool, so we tried a few different foods to help him. None of the foods worked, so I purchased a 50lb box of chicken and a 25lb bag of rice and I made his food, packed in individual meals, and froze them. We would pull out a week's worth at a time, heating each one until it was just right for Pedro. This seemed to help... the loose stool had gone away.
 Pedro has slowed down a WHOLE lot over the past few months. There would be times that he would just sit next to my bedroom door and not move for hours; he was leaned up against the corner of the door jam. When he would finally move, it would be so slow and looked so painful- I felt so bad... I would normally go pick him up and carry him to the sofa. (he was taking pain meds for this as well as joint vitamins)
Well, about 3 weeks ago the loose stool came back and he would go in the house while we were at work... he tried to make it to the door- the trail of evidence showed this- that is when I discovered the coloring of it. Black, green, and mucus. We took him to the vet. They gave him 2 pills to take. YAY- this stopped the messes.... but I discovered that he would not go AT ALL- well, I couldn't have that either, so I stopped the pills. It took him a couple of days to 'go' again, and when he did- sadly enough it went back to the black, green, and mucus- I was sad to see that. I knew something was going on in there- what I thought was joint pain, could have been this monster inside him this whole time. I simply could not allow him to hurt this way.
I made 'the appointment' and Patrick and I took him in. He was very calm and seemed to know that we were helping. They shaved his leg and he just laid there getting his lovins from us. I held his face and talked to him, Pedro licked the palm of my hand very gently as if to say "Thank You: I love you" and then he gently fell asleep and began his journey to find the laps of the ones he loves in Heaven. I am sure that he is up there playing with the other brother and sisters and laying vigil by Jimmy's side. No more pain.... resting.....

Sunday, June 9, 2013

This is Jimmy and Rick poolside... poolside forever! Rick always loved floating around the pool on a lazy Sunday (or anytime he could get a chance) and Jimmy, although it is not a creek, stream, river, or ocean- would have loved to spend time in it as well. (both water bugs at heart)- look near the waters edge, by the steps, under the handrail- they are located there!

The other picture is Meika- a puppy that was 'thrown away' along with 2 other siblings- what is wrong with people..... ugh!!
Meika is very awesome. She LOVES car rides- I know Jimmy would have loved her. Every time I take her on a ride- she HAS to sit in the seat of the person driving (me), and I know that Jimmy would have totally took her everywhere with him. He used to take Pedro on rides too, but Meika- is just such a lover- he would have held her in his lap while driving and showing her off. So every time we go--- Jimmy is with us.


Saturday, May 25, 2013

dreams

For 3 nights in a row I have dreamed that Jimmy was alive and still with me, but living the illness all over again....
:(
All different times and locations- but still fighting the battle... and so real... it is ridiculous how dreams can be.
One of the dreams had one of his old friends in it- Mike Lipinsky- (hope I spelled that right)
The others had assorted family- crazy

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Next Annual Jimmy Faus Foundation Bake Sale

We are set for the last Saturday in April of next year- at GSHS
Saturday, April 26th 2014 7am-2pm
Next year we will be expanding to do a yard sale as well as the bake sale. I would love to take all of the items off of your hands that you no longer want beginning January 2014. The recipient of the funds is yet to be determined. I am sure that we will find someone that NEEDS it badly. We may even be graced with Gary Interdonato's famous BBQ to sell next year!! 
Clare- I will MOST CERTAINLY be including you for next year- you were such a HUGE help!! Thank you again- there's just NOT ENOUGH thank yous that I can say.

Friday, May 10, 2013

2nd annual Jimmy Faus Foundation Sale

I found out that we are unable to sell items at the park- which is what the hopes were for the next Farmer's 5K. We will be at the high school again... but next year we will expand it to a yard sale/bake sale. Then hopefully on up from there!!! We will always find someone in need for the money- sad to say that there is NO cancer shortage. :(
Details will follow as the time comes closer.
God Bless all...

Sunday, April 21, 2013

a year...

I had people worried about me on Friday. It was Jimmy's one year -... I don't really think that the day matters- I missed him as much as I always do. I wake up and he is the first thing on my mind, I listen to see if I can hear the TV on in his room, I lie there for a moment and think of him and all that has happened, and then I am off to work. His picture is in my car, along with a note he wrote to me- so of course, I think of him on the way to work. I get to GSV and a large picture of him is hanging on my wall watching over me as I work, as well as a smaller one above my computer with Rick.
But, I think I miss him MOST when we have family gatherings (he was always the comedian), and when I am walking through a store and find a HILARIOUS shirt that I KNOW he would love to rock, I also miss it when I think of a funny joke that only Jimmy would 'get'!!
I REALLY miss the 'just because' calls that he would give me- when he would see something that reminded him of a funny thing that happened- or to tell me of a funny joke someone told him - I also miss the calls for advice... they were the BEST... because that made me aware of how much he desired my approval and valued my opinion- I would BEAM with those calls!!!

Thank you all that gave me calls and texts on Friday- I truly love each and every one of you!

bake sale

The bake sale was a success- our first annual! There will be many more and I am very excited to continue the giving and caring. We were able to raise $1107.50 with the help of many people- I want to thank... in no particular order, my all day cashier, (and wonderful friend) Clare- my all day grill masters, my son David and best friend Patrick - my table organizer and salesman,(and longtime friend) Gary- my good friend Amy and her posse for the baked goods- my good friend Bev (Brent's mom) for helping us set up, baking some yum yum cupcakes, and providing hot chocolate for our cold bodies- My daughter Krista (baked many cakes), her best friend Kelsey who baked LOTS of cookies & Shelley (daughter) for being moral support and selling our goods to people who weren't even there- they (her and her boyfriend, Doug) made calls, took orders, and delivered the baked goods- my longtime friend Pam for supplying us with warm coats, gloves, and scarves. AND last, but definitely NOT least- all of the support of people shopping!!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart and the soul of my son, Jimmy!! We will be cutting a check for $1107.50 to the family of Roger Weaver to help pay some of the bills that continue piling up even in these times. This donation will be from what I fondly call the 'Jimmy Faus Foundation'!!  I will try to get some pictures posted soon.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Bake Sale

I got great news from Suz- she informed me that the young man that we were going to donate to, does NOT have his cancer back. Thank the Lord for that. So, we are now looking into other avenues in which to donate where it will do the most good.
I am so happy for that young man. I am sure that he lives in constant fear of it returning. Best wishes to the family.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

BAKE SALE

Details on the benefit bake sale;
Place: Garden Spot High School (front yard facing Yoder's)
Date: 4/20
Time: 7am-2pm
All of the proceeds will go to a young man going through cancer- I HATE that word
This marks the beginning of a lifetime of April bake sales for someone on need. This is my way of keeping Jimmy's giving nature alive. I hope that everyone will join us for a good cause!! I know that some wanted to bake some wonderful yummy treats- you may drop them off in New Holland on Friday night with Amy Hackman between 5-9pm, or you may just drop your items off at the sale that morning. If you need other arrangements, please let me know, I will help where I can.
PERFECT PLACE
PERFECT DAY
Hope to see you all are there.
God Bless All

Sunday, March 17, 2013

bake sale

I have decided to keep Jimmy's memory alive in yet another way- every April I will be hosting a bake sale and donating to someone in need, and all of this will be done in Jimmy's name. This year that person was suggested by a wonderful friend- Suzanne Martin. A young man that is going through the fight of his life at this time. I know that Jimmy would be there to help; so now he WILL be, through all of us. I will post more info as it develops. I am still looking into a venue.
Thank you to all who still think of Jimmy ~

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Such a very sad dream- I feel as if all of the life has been once again drained from me.

Jimmy was very sick, his stomach was in such pain... the look in his eyes so real. I couldn't stop crying as he hugged me and begged me to stop. He was trying to be strong for me. *sigh*

Saturday, February 9, 2013

With every family gathering there is the pain and anguish of the loss of a very important part of us. We know that he is around us, but that just isn't enough. The hole that his passing has caused is such a great hole, one that is similar to a black hole- no one really knows the depth. There isn't  morning, noon or night that goes by that I do not think of Jimmy. I struggle each morning- lying in bed awake and thinking of everything that has been - everything that will be, and wonder if I really want to get out of bed at all!
If only he would be here- it would be the way it should've been ... the way it would've been...

Thursday, February 7, 2013

This morning, as MANY other mornings, when I awoke I heard the faint sound of a TV. It is always the same sound- a news/sports broadcaster. The voice is so strong, but so faint that it is hardly heard. I got out of bed and looked around the house to see if Patrick was watching something or maybe left something on, just as I normally do when I hear it. Again this morning nothing was on. I hear it in my bedroom- when I start walking the house I no longer hear it. It's like someone watching TV that doesn't want to awaken anyone in the house. Maybe Jimmy is still in his bedroom right below mine and wants to keep up with the sports action. :) Maybe he will let us know who is going to win it all next year - we could have the inside scoop! Much love James!!!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Yes he is, Cheryl. That is awesome. I know that he is quite the busy angel.
The FB page is up and running- it's 'Loving Memory Jimmy Faus' lots of people have posted pics. I am hoping that my ADD allows me to sit longer and learn how to navigate through FB better so that  can add more pics in the albums.
Stay Safe All

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Happy Birthday to my angel. You are going to be quite a busy guy today- you have a lot of people to see. Miss you!!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Dear friends- I was informed by my daughter a few weeks back that Jimmy's FB was gone. She called me and asked if I had done it. That answer is no. I DID contemplate it for the simple fact that the girls would come to me upset about things that were posted- I grew weary of hearing them upset and told them to just stay off of the site. That's the way I protected myself. I chose to not go on and I allowed it to remain. I didn't want to be the one that took all of that away. So Thank You to whomever removed it, now I am not the bad guy.
I don't know how many of you out there believe in the afterlife, but I am one that believes strongly. The last time I went to a medium to speak with Jimmy- he kept saying he was sorry and she said that he is feeling so guilty. He would say it over and over again "Mom, I'm sorry". His soul is not at peace yet- I believe he is watching and hates seeing the way things are here on Earth after his passing. I want him to be a happy and carefree spirit- maybe getting rid of that FB will help him to feel more free.
I have a very special friend that is helping me through all of this and all of the emotions that go with losing  child. It is the WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD!!!! I struggle daily with the "what ifs"... I do not wish this on ANYONE- but I know life is filled with all of this shit- you wonder how God allows such things.
Jimmy also wanted me to try counseling because he watches as I struggle- I don't know... maybe I should - but I have always been so strong and independent, that would seem to be the total opposite of these characters.
In talking with some of my friends- they said that they have seen parents put up a memorial FB that people could go to and post pictures or events that happened with them and the loved one. I will set this up sometime today and you all will be able to post pictures of Jimmy's life with you on there. We will keep it happy and not stressful to anyone- I hope!

Sunday, January 6, 2013

This morning I was cleaning Jimmy's bathroom and when I got the cleaner out of his cupboard, I saw all of his toiletries. His body wash, shampoo, Q-tips, etc. All of the lotions that I used on his feet- it rushed so many memories back. Jimmy LOVED when I rubbed his feet. One day when I walked into his hospital room, he looked at me and asked "Have you rubbed my feet lately?" It was funny- we laughed about it for weeks. He kept saying- I can't believe I said that- that was rude. Never the less- he got another foot rub!!
That boy went through so much pain- so much anguish- I could never even begin to imagine what it feels like to know that you are facing what he had to face. One day he asked me "How did Rick do this?" I told him that it was because Rick was as strong as he (Jimmy) was. I really miss that boy- I still don't know why he had to be the one to go... there are soooo many others that need to go from this Earth. All of the assholes that rape and murder- ones that attack the babies and the elderly- ones who steal food from our starving children's mouths... why Jimmy, why MY BOY?! Jimmy would have turned 28 next Sunday. We are having our family dinner with some friends as well to celebrate a wonderful life/soul! It will be complete with pictures, stories, memories and of course a cake from Oregon Dairy. I can just keep holding on to the fact that Jimmy is around us every where- he is another angel in my corner! Love you boy...